MindShift – Katrina Schwartz
MindShift readers are often intrigued by new ideas and strategies being tried around the country, but many educators are also parents and know the huge role parents play in education. This year some of our most popular posts have focused on how parents can set their children up for success, as well as when their involvement can hinder important development. As conversations at school and at home continue about the importance of having space to learn from failure, how can parents and educators become a stronger team as they work toward the mutual goal of successful, happy kids?
PARENTS ARE THE FIRST TEACHERS
When kids are young, it can feel like they need constant care (which they do!), but babies and toddlers are also building the architecture in their brains that will serve them throughout childhood. Parents have a unique opportunity to help their toddlers develop the emotional intelligencethat will aid them in academic and social settings for the rest of their lives.
Young kids often aren’t able to control their own emotions, which is why their tantrums can be fierce, but parents don’t have to stand by, powerless to these whims. Each tantrum is an opportunity for parents to help children learn to identify what they are feeling and why. They can also work to normalize emotions by admitting all people feel angry or sad or frustrated sometimes, while working on strategies to calm down. The strategies for a 3-year-old have to be simple and memorable, like taking a deep breath and counting to four when mad.
Books can also be a helpful way to talk about emotions when a child isn’t in the thick of feeling his own. Little kids can point out the emotions they see characters experience and talk about how he or she might have dealt with the situation. And, little kids aren’t too young to develop a mindfulness practice, which has been shown to improve self-regulation. For example, parent and child could take a “listening walk” around the block, focusing on the sounds in the present moment.
The way parents interact with their young children does more than build the emotional foundation for later success. It can also help kids build the specific pre-academic skills that will ease transition into school. The 30 million-word gap has become cliche now, but understanding the science behind “good talk” for infants and toddlers is an important way parents can contribute to their success.
Studies have shown that parents are more open to this message when they realize that how they interact with their child at a very young age affects the architecture of their brain. The messages imparted are as important, if not more so, than the act of talking itself. Kids need to be encouraged and praised for the processes they are engaged in, not just how cute or smart they are. And, even if a baby can’t yet talk, parents can create a sense of back and forth by responding to gurgles or smiles. Educators play a big role in making sure the parents they interact with know the science of talk and some of the simple strategies to make sure kids are developing a healthy capacity for language before starting school.
TEENAGE YEARS
There’s a lot of emphasis on what parents can and should do with their very young children because that’s a moment in development when a child’s brain is growing and changing in fundamental ways. But as every parent knows, getting through the first four years is just the start, and there are often parenting bumps along the road. One common rough patch comes when kids become teenagers, with all the hormones and tricky social dynamics that accompany it. Many parents feel lost at this stage, unable to interact with their child in the ways they used to, and unsure of how to best offer support to a prickly teen.
The good news is that teenagers need parenting just as much as younger kids, even if they don’t show their appreciation for it. Adolescence experts say parents are best off honoring their teen’s autonomy, while providing structure and support. It’s easy to see an adolescent not taking responsibility for something like homework and immediately jumping in to help. But it’s far better to set clear expectations and perhaps even schedules and routines that support strong study habits, without micromanaging the process.
Similarly, teens need space to try new things with the knowledge that there’s a safety net if they fail. This includes talking through choices and potential outcomes and then allowing the teen to make his own informed decisions. That doesn’t mean parents can’t jump in and provide extra support at times, but if a teenager never learns to be independent, he’ll have trouble later in life. And throughout it all, parents should continue to show warmth and love toward their teens. They may not seem to like it, but they still need it.
Cultivating supported autonomy will pay off once that teenager becomes a college student. University professors and deans increasingly report that their students don’t show the type of self-efficacy required to succeed. Instead, many students turn to their parents to fix even small problems that arise. Many parents look at an increasingly competitive world and see it as their parental duty to make sure their child has every possible opportunity. But actions that stem from love might actually be handicapping young adults.
NEW TEACHING STRATEGIES
While the discussion of “overparenting” struck a nerve with MindShift readers, the instinct to ward off any potentially damaging failures in a child’s life doesn’t come out of nowhere. Parents are feeling the pressure to make sure their kids get on the “right track” out of fear that any mistake will ruin a chance at a productive life. But where did that fear of failure come from? It’s a pervasive part of society and may even be learned in school.
Many educators feel they must move through curriculum at a breakneck speed to cover everything, leaving very little space for students toexperience struggle, failure, renewed attempts and ultimately success in a safe environment. Increasingly, however, educators are having productive conversations about encouraging a growth mindset, which focuses on how making mistakes grows the brain and provides fertile opportunities to learn.
This discussion of mistakes has led to some confusion. For example, not all mistakes lead to learning. The best kinds of mistakes for learning happen when a student is stretching outside her comfort zone. When trying something new most people will make mistakes, but with reflection and strategies to address the error, much can be learned. At other times a student might have an “aha mistake” when she completed the task correctly, but realized she should have done it differently because of new information. Both these types of mistakes grow the brain and require self-reflection and renewed effort. But learning from mistakes doesn’t happen automatically.
by MindMake via MindMake Blog
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