Putting together a nursery, deciding whether to nurse or not to nurse, revealing the gender, choosing a name, having a baby shower: These are all pretty common milestones that most mothers-to-be expect or at least consider. However, when I was a first-time mom, nobody warned me that, much to my chagrin, throughout our son’s early childhood, I would have to endure a ridiculous amount of unwarranted criticism and passive aggressive “advice.”
As a mother of a preemie, things were different for me from the start. There was no breastfeeding until much later in his first year when he was strong enough to latch. Initially, there was pumping and having the NICU nurse administer the breast milk through a gavage tube. There was no postpartum bonding as we were both fighting for our lives in intensive care. There were no memorable long walks around the neighborhood weeks after his birth, back in my skinny jeans. There was nausea, the worst headaches of my life, blood pressure medication, IVs, and heartache mixed with overwhelming guilt.
Around six months postpartum, my son and I were finally healthy and ready to hit the playgroup scene. That’s when we experienced this so-called “advice” for the first time. Being a mother of a preemie with some things to overcome made our struggle extremely raw and real. I often felt the “advice” from other mothers was pointing out everything my son struggled with. I would leave play dates in tears of frustration, their “helpful” words rattling through my brain like a shockwave:
Your child isn’t walking yet, mine walked at nine months. He’s so physical! You should get him a walker, a bouncer, a jumper, a ________ (insert anything plastic, really). Why aren’t you exercising his legs?
Your child only eats yogurt? Why won’t he eat fruit mixed in? My child loves grilled chicken and butternut squash that I grow in my organic garden. He’s such a great eater! I only feed him real food and don’t give him any other options. You should try that.
Your child doesn’t like tractor rides? Mine just loves them! He will try anything. Stop putting your child in a bubble.
Your child isn’t starting kindergarten this year? Why not? My child is definitely ready! He’s been ready since the age of 3 when he learned to speak French as well as Spanish! That’s right! We’re trilingual! You should buy him the DVDs we used. He was reading at age 2 or 3 because of them, just like his older sister.
We’ve been potty-trained since 18 months! What’s wrong with your 4-year-old? You need to force the issue.
After five years of enduring this through pressed lips, clenched fists, and deep sighs concealed with fake smiles, I’m so completely done.
by MindMake via MindMake Blog
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