Scary Mommy | Annie Reneau
My daughter looks at me with anxious eyes. “You said you wanted to try karate,” I say to her calmly. “Now you’ve changed your mind?” I try to ask this question without any hint of exasperation in my voice, as if I’m just casually clarifying the situation. I’m annoyed, even though I don’t want to be. It’s just that we’ve been through this pattern — wanting to try something but then letting anxiety freak her out — too many times to count.
It’s not about karate at all. Though I think it’s a great discipline, I don’t give a hoot if my kids do or don’t want to do martial arts. I just want them to try something — anything — new. I want them to follow a spark of interest and see where it leads without worrying about all of the what ifs. I want them to embrace the adventure of life — to explore and learn, to try and succeed, as well as to try and fail.
But my kids have a hard time with that. As soon as they start to indulge the idea of trying something new, fear and anxiety set in. From what I can see, some of it is social anxiety and some of it is fear of making a mistake or looking foolish. Perfectionism plays a role, as well some strong introverted tendencies. It’s not surprising, since generalized anxiety and some more specific anxieties run through our kids’ bloodlines on both sides. I guess our little darlings were sort of doomed from the get-go, poor things.
I do understand fear and anxiety. Who doesn’t? But my kids’ levels of fear and anxiety are beyond what I can relate to. I didn’t get a strong dose of the anxious gene, and whatever I did get has faded over the years. There are things I didn’t do when I was young because I felt too nervous about them, which I regret. And there are things I did do in spite of feeling nervous about them, which I’m thankful for. Those experiences of pushing past the fear taught me so much about my own capacities and potential, and gave me the self-confidence to keep trying new things.
by MindMake via MindMake Blog
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