Huffington Post | Parents – Lorraine Allen
Wouldn’t it be great if kids could pick themselves up after a fall and be back swinging on the monkey bars, undeterred? They can, and they will, if we give them the basic tools they need to develop resilience. Happily, this emotional muscle can be strengthened at any age, in many simple ways.
As parents, we instinctively want to protect our kids from harm and pitfalls; but they’re natural parts of life. The American Psychological Association notes that while we “tend to idealize childhood as a carefree time,” in fact, children are tasked with adapting to different social and family environments, from moves, to new schools, and their skills and performance are regularly tested, academically, socially and physically. And these days, we have a lot more to worry about than just monkey bars. Kids are exposed to violence, danger, and even terror through the media and in real life, despite our best efforts to shield them. But instead of worrying about what might happen to our kids, as they grow, and wondering how we can protect them from everything we cannot, we’re far better off focusing on helping them develop resilience, so that they can overcome any challenges, stresses and hurdles they’ll face throughout life. “The ability to thrive despite these challenges arises from the skills of resilience,” the APA explains.
After decades of research, Martin E.P. Seligman at Harvard has identified three ways people react to trauma and adversity depending on our levels of resiliency:
• Those who crumble, feel hopeless and remain stuck in a rut.
• Those who stumble, feel despair, but bounce back.
• Those who not only overcome, but who thrive despite hardship, emerging stronger than before. (“These,” Seligman explains, “are the people of whom Friedrich Nietzsche said: that which does not kill us makes us stronger.”)
If we give our kids the tools they need to bounce back from adversity in childhood, it will continue to serve them well their whole lives, and they will be far more likely to fall into Seligman’s third, most successful group. Here’s a road map that’s clear and simple to follow:
1. Offer Support
Being present, showing unwavering love and support, and providing basic care and a safe home are the cornerstones of the supportive environment kids need to help build resilience. It’s important to note that when kids are misbehaving or struggling, as they often do, they are testing the strength of this foundation they so rely on. When things get tough, stay calm, and listen. If kids feel their struggles are taken seriously, they will be better able to overcome them.
We can also create supportive environments by including family and community, such as school friends, neighbors or church groups, regularly in our lives and in the lives of our children. Help them feel that they are surrounded by a strong support system, and this will in turn give them the strength they need to learn to feel secure in themselves, and in the world.
by MindMake via MindMake Blog
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